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January 12, 2005 5:17 PM

Cherry Ames, nurse

There are so many evils related to hospitals and medicine. Remember the horrible tales of longtime lovers banned from the bedsides of their mates, who then died alone of AIDS? Only 20 years ago, this. Sadly, these days our interest in health care pales by comparison to our community's single-minded nuttiness about marriage rights, which truly has overwhelmed other homo-related activism.... In any case, yesterday's health care annoyance was so minor: The attendant, noticing that I was waiting for my common-law spouse to finish up a medical test, asked brightly if we were sisters. I simply said "no" with a frown.

My partner deals with these things so much better than I. She breathlessly confirmed to my dentist's receptionist, calling last month about an appointment, that yes, we were sisters. Then laughed for hours.

January 11, 2005 10:06 AM

Deep thoughts

The first issue of the Canadian Online Journal of Queer Studies in Education is up, ... any good? Too earnest? Desperately needed?

January 11, 2005 10:01 AM


The Groucho Marx-like Canadian federal government response to same-sex marriage continues apace. Justice Minister Irwin Cotler is in charge, a lawyer and academic who obsessed with the Charter and Rights and Freedoms yet who spouted off before his election about equal rights for all except when it came to homos who want marriage. Cotler now finds himself trapped by his boss the prime minister into legislating same-sex marriage. Cotler's announced that a bill (that will include Divorce Act amendments --more laughter from the peanut gallery) will be introduced into Parliament in early February, and should be law by the summer. "If the bill does not pass, the likelihood is that the constitutional development will continue in the other provinces, and we will likely see this issue being arrived at one by one in the courts," he burbled. The whole thing is a mess: some provincial courts have ruled that same-sex marriage is a must, others have avoided the issue, but will eventually be stuck with lawsuits that demand resolution. In the middle of all this, the government of Canada appealed the rulings allowing same-sex marriage. Then it withdrew the appeal. Then it asked the Supreme Court of Canada for an opinion, but not a binding judgement. The top-most justices in the land ruled that same-sex marriage was acceptable (but didn't say whether it was required under the Constitution's equal rights sections). Meanwhile, everything was on hold.... Cigar and funny eyebrows, anyone?

January 10, 2005 11:54 AM

Elementary, my dear

Ah, Sherlock Holmes. The smarty-pants detective (who never liked women much) is always portrayed as tall and agonized and youthful (see Christopher Plummer in the [bad] movie Murder By Decree, for example). His sidekick Dr. Watson is always older, kinda dumb, and protective. Watson is daddy, really. (Daddies desperate to take offence who want to think I'm saying they're all as stupid as a box of rocks should get over it.) Mind you, Watson "biographer" Michael Hardwick, in his 1983 book "The Private Life of Dr. Watson," makes Holmes into daddy. Watson states: "Least of all did it dawn upon me then that in finding him I had discovered the father substitute for whom I had been so long and unwittingly seeking." I'm sure there's lots of Watson Holmes slash fiction somewhere out there, but no, I'm not spending a hour of Internet time running it down; I rely on the kindness of strangers. Urls, anyone?

January 9, 2005 12:14 PM

Sex columnists make it all seem so easy

Curve magazine's February "sex! sex! sex!" issue is mostly about the lack thereof. The month's Dyke Drama column is penned by Michele Fisher, who makes satisfying sport of that hoary "lesbian bed death" study of the '80s. "These so-called 'experts' asserted that lesbian couples have the least amount of sex of all when compared to gay male couples and straight couples... by the time a lesbian couple celebrates three years together, they're having sex twice a year." Fisher makes fun, but her stiletto sinks through the heart: too many lesbians, she claims, do "marry" their best friends, wrongly giving up desire for comfort. Fisher also believes that you cannot make yourself want someone. And her analysis presumes monogamy. On the other hand, the bisexual agony aunt Sasha, a syndicated sex columnist, notes (Jan. 6 Montreal Mirror) that she has less of a sex drive than does her partner. "I am the one who turns off and still proclaims love, whose lack of consistent desire 'makes' someone feel like shit, who ends up with the sniveling runny-nosed partner begging for it in such a way that compounds my indifference." Sasha chose non-monogamy as a solution, and demands that others choose it, as well. Both women refuse to allow alternatives to the sex thing. Sex? No sex? It's a more complex discussion, no?

January 8, 2005 4:29 PM

Enquiring minds (and noses with fingers stuffed into them)

I let my National Enquirer subscription run out months ago (too expensive to get it shipped up here to the frozen north), but I always pick up the "Who's gay... and who's not" edition, baybee. I'll save you the dough. Yes, she's gay or bi: Cynthia Nixon, Megan Mullally (married to a guy), Jillian Armanente and Alice Dodd (married to each other), Heather Matarazzo, Anna Nicole Smith, Cher (an experimenter), Sara Gilbert. Rumoured: Martha Stewart, Tatum O'Neal, Paris Hilton, Jorja Fox, Cindy Crawford, Queen Latifah (though not so lesbian friendly in her book....). Has shown herself to believe in the art of acting by so courageously (ha!) playing a dyke or bi gal on TV: Eva Longoria, Kim Cattrall, Debra Messing, Laura Innes, Mischa Barton, Charlize Theron (though being Aileen Wuornos was extra tough because the murderer was not a glamor gal). That's it, eh.

January 8, 2005 4:26 PM

RIP Susie S.

In today's Globe and Mail, columnist Heather Mallick goes on an entertaining rant about the obituaries for Big Thinker (TM) Susan Sontag. The Associated Press originally sent out a quickie that attacked Sontag for being a mouthy broad, dintcha know. Thank goodness for Mallick's take -- I was tired of reading the queer media whining. To whit: Sontag was portrayed as hetero by a bigoted mainstream media, when in fact she was a lesbian; no, she was bisexual, you pig; no, she was closeted and outed by the holier-than-thou homos. The he said, she said is so confusing I don't know what to think, and her ladyship's intellectual legacy is falling by the wayside. As such, I promise to read both On Photography and Illness As Metaphor. And as I gaze at a recent portrait of Sontag's, I realize that I will soon have her jowls.

Read also [Being Out Wasn't Important]

January 8, 2005 4:25 PM


First I oh-so-carefully registered That cost me $75. (If you think that's hunky-dory, go back and read that first sentence more slowly.) Discovering the error when the receipt arrived from Network Solutions, I immediately e-mailed a plea to customer service for help -- to have it returned, "sorry, your envelope sender is in my badmailfrom list." With trepidation, I picked up the phone and blathered the lesbian word to some 1-800 stranger in the United States of Homophobia, and asked if I had to pay another 75 smackers to get the proper domain name. She said she was herself opionated, canceled the original order, then re-registered for me. She called me Miss Eleanor all the way through. My stomach flipped. I got the new registration minutes later: HORRORS. It said In the plural. I'm an egotist. I called back. Yet again, an intensely pleasant customer service rep canceled the mess and re-registered for me. Welcome to A full morning of sheepishness went into its making.
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